The Mindset Guide

It is often very difficult when in a crisis not to feel like a victim

Whether it is ill health, death, loss of a job or whatever, it is easy to feel hopeless and without a choice.

But the truth is we always have a lot more power in any given situation than is immediately obvious.

First you get to choose whether or not to feel like a victim.

If you make the choice that you have a modicum of control here you will start to see that you have many more choices here.

Although mindsets can make it easy to think one way, if that is a dis-empowering path then we can stop and choose other thoughts.

Also accepting that our past choices have contributed at least in part to our current situation. We may not have had any control over losing our job but we did play a part in whether we have savings so we have time to find a new job or if we have a tonne of credit card debt that is making the whole situation so much worse.

This is not a time for guilt but for learning and growing, for recognizing that certain choices were less than ideal and deciding to make different decisions in the future.

So what choices do you have ahead of you right now?

What choices are the most empowering and effective?

An interesting mindset that I see regularly in clients and friends is one of keeping special items for “best” - sometimes that is defined occasions such as holidays or guests, other times its for some hazy future happening.

I personally have a dinner service I keep for “best” - holidays, birthdays, dinner parties. It wasn’t particularly expensive service but it is one I like very much. I love having the security of knowing that I will have an attractive and complete set to add a special touch to special occasions. It also means I am less likely to get upset if a plate from the everyday set is broken. So for me, having this set is a positive experience.

One of my clients was given a wedding present of some beautiful, 800 count Egyptian cotton sheets. She has recently celebrated her eleventh wedding anniversary and the sheets were still in the packet. When we explored the issue she wanted to get her bedroom decorated the way she wanted before she used the sheets. The bedroom was a low priority on the home improvement schedule so it didn’t look likely that it would be happening any time soon. We discussed the issue and how it would make her feel to sleep on the wonderful sheets and it quickly became apparent that even if the rest of the bedroom was not how she would like it, using the sheets would make her feel good.

So examine what you are keeping for best and ask yourself why. Often it is learned behavior - a mindset acquired often in childhood and there may be no good reason to continue thinking in such a way. Sometimes it is a self-worth issue - that somehow guests are more deserving that you and your family.  If you are keeping items for “some day” , consider what conditions would have to be in place for the day to happen. What would happen if instead you used the item today?

What do you keep for best?